Books & Tea: Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher

Video Transcript

Welcome back to another episode of my ‘Book & Tea Chats.’

Today, I’m excited to dive into a book that truly changed my life: Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher.

If you’ve ever felt torn between multiple passions or struggled to pick just one path in life, stick around. This book is wonderful for people who feel like they have so many interests that it’s really hard for them to choose and to let go of all the other options.

But first, let’s brew some tea to set the mood.

In Ireland August is the first month of autumn, and I can already feel the difference. The mornings are cooler and there’s a little shift around this time of the year.

The blackberries are ripe and plump, and I decided to make some blackberry and lemon tea today. If you want to join me, here is a simple recipe which you can enjoy hot or cold.

When I was in my 20s, I couldn’t decide what to do with my life. I had so many different interests, and I could never commit to any of them. I kept jumping from one passion to the next, afraid that if I chose to focus on one, I’d have to give up all the others.

It was during that time I discovered Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher, and I devoured it.

Sher talks about people like me—multi-passionate individuals she calls “Scanners.” It was the first time I heard someone say that having many interests could be a good thing, not a problem.

In her book, Barbara Sher identifies several types of Scanner personalities, each with unique characteristics and ways of managing their diverse interests.

For example, there are the Plate Spinners, who can manage multiple projects at once, like a juggler keeping several plates spinning in the air. They thrive on the excitement of switching between different tasks and often excel because of the diversity in their activities.

Then there are the Serial Specialists. These individuals dive deep into one interest for a period, achieve a high level of proficiency, and then move on to something completely different. They love mastering new skills and exploring various domains over time.

Another example is the Wanderers. Wanderers have a deep curiosity and a desire to explore new experiences, ideas, and places. They might travel frequently or change careers often, driven by a need for novelty and adventure.

There are many more types in the book, and you can read through them to find which one suits you best.

But what they all have in common is a wide range of interests—and a strong resistance to focusing on just one.

For me, the type that fits perfectly is the Cyclical Scanner. I have certain interests that keep coming back, cycling through different phases. What’s great about this is that I can actually build on them.

For example, I might get really into healthy eating and new recipes for a few weeks, diving deep into creating nutritious meals from scratch. My family loves these periods—until the cycle shifts, my interest wanes, and suddenly, everyone’s fending for themselves in the kitchen.

It’s not the most consistent way to run a household, but it’s how I operate, and we’ve found a way to make it work.

One of the benefits of being a Cyclical Scanner, as Sher points out, is that because we return to the same interests repeatedly, we can work on long-term projects over several cycles.

Even though there are breaks in between, the project progresses incrementally each time we revisit it. Plus, there’s a sense of renewed passion whenever we return to a topic. The time away often brings fresh perspectives, which can enhance creativity and enjoyment.

For every type of Scanner, Sher offers tools and strategies to help us thrive with our unique brains.

For Cyclical Scanners like me, one of the key strategies is to accept and embrace our natural cycles.

Instead of fighting them, we can plan projects and activities in a way that aligns with these patterns. Idea Books are perfect for this because they allow us to document our progress and see how we build on our past interests each time they resurface. We can even plan ahead, setting up reminders or systems to help us transition smoothly between cycles.

If you can accept your Scanner nature and use these tools to your advantage, you can truly thrive.

You can be incredibly creative and productive with a multi-passionate brain.

Today, it’s easy to see how someone like Barbara Sher might be diagnosed with ADHD, and I suppose I might be too, though I’ve never been officially diagnosed. I know it runs in my family, but honestly, I’ve set up my life in a way that works for me and my family, so I don’t feel the need for a formal diagnosis right now.

What’s more important to me is the acceptance of how my brain works.

Refuse to Choose gave me that validation, showing me that there are others out there like me—people who don’t see their many interests as a struggle, but as something enriching and positive. It’s a mindset that has made my life far more interesting, adventurous, and fulfilling.

Sher’s practical advice on navigating a multi-passionate life was empowering. She offers tools and frameworks to help Scanners organize their interests without feeling overwhelmed. One tool that resonated with me was the ‘Scanner Daybook,’ a journal to jot down ideas, which I’ll talk more about in my next video.

When I first read this book, the validation I felt was immense.

For years, I’d been told to ‘pick a lane,’ to specialize, to focus. But here was someone telling me that my diverse interests weren’t just okay—they were something to be celebrated. It was a turning point for me. I didn’t overhaul my life overnight, but this shift in perspective was the catalyst for many positive changes.

I began to allow myself the freedom to explore varied interests without the guilt of ‘wasting time.’

That’s probably why I started keeping an Idea Book—a messy but beloved space where all my thoughts reside. More on that soon.

So, if you’re multi-passionate too, or if you think you might be a Scanner, let me know in the comments. Have you read the book? Do you know which type of Scanner you are? Have you found tools that help you navigate your many interests? I’d love to hear.

I leave you with a quote:

“You see, you’re not someone without direction; you’re an investigator, and the whole investigative process consists of learning a little bit about everything that looks interesting to you. If you respect your natural curiosity, you’ll come to trust your enthusiasm. It knows something about you. Your trail of enthusiasms is the most precise instrument you have for locating where you’d find the deepest satisfaction in your life.”

~ Barbara Sher